Archive for 'Gifts'

Terrible Christmas Gifts

When it comes to gift giving, I always believe you should give something people don’t know they want or need. In fact, the more they don’t want or need a gift, the better. Trust me, I’ve become an expert on giving stuff that people don’t want or need. So with this in mind, here are some really good gifts for Christmas. or Kwanzaa. or Valentines Day. or whatever.

Chocolate covered insects

Imagine the look of confusion. It’s chocolate, so it’s tasty. It’s got 6 legs, so it’s icky. It’s icky tasty.

Chocolate Covered Insects

Bodily Fluids

Put the Xmas in Exploring bodily fluids. Perhaps you are still recovering from the ReSearch book on Modern Primitives that you received for your 3rd birthday.

The Re/Search Guide to Bodily Fluids

Extra nasty Marmite

It’s hard to imagine something worse than eating Marmite, but they’ve upped it with extra old bottles of the gross goo. Get extra points for forcing your gift recipient to eat this blind folded.
Limited Edition Marmite XO Extra Old Matured longer for a stronger taste 250g jar in Gift box

Moons over my hammy

Mooning gnome. What more could you ask for?
Big Mouth Toys The Mooning Garden Gnome Salt and Pepper Shaker Set

Canned Snake

Just remind them that “Smoked Rattlesnake Is A True Western Delicacy. Cooked In A Tantalizing Smoke Sauce, You Will Amaze Your Friends And Family With This Exotic Treat!”
Yeah, they’ll believe that!

SMOKED RATTLESNAKE- Exotic Gourmet Canned Wild Game Meat

Marshmallow Penis Treats

You know that prudish aunt who is so uptight she poops diamonds? Put this under the tree for a good suprise
Marshmallow Willies

Grandma’s Farts candle

You’ll always know who farted with this candle. Give this one to Grandpa and he’ll thank you profusely for the eternal excuse.

Yank Me Candle Grandma's Fart Candle (Scented)

The king of all ice cubes

Don’t just stand there pressing the ice dispensers handle. Are you really going to use some boring, anonymous ice in that drink? Open the freezer and pop out one of these monster cubes.
Tovolo King Cube Ice Tray - Stratus Blue

The Tovolo King ice cube tray creates Uncle Joe’s big ol’ ice cube to make your booze chill without getting watered down. These trays also come in a wide spectrum of colors, just in case you want a rainbow explosion when you are thirsty.

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Celebrate your Moon Pie love

You know you love the combination of graham cracker cookies and marshmallow cream covered with decadent pseudo-chocolate. You know you love to share this forbidden love with your neighbors and friends. You know you’d love to have this sign in your kitchen to express your everlasting love for Moon Pies.

Moon Pie Best Lunch Distressed Retro Vintage Tin Sign

You sick bird.

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Celebrate your spare tire with these muffin tops

It’s that time of year when summer thong season is over and your belly starts to grow with winter delights. You could squeeze it in with spanx or let it flow.

These cupcake holders teach you to embrace your lard and share it with your co-workers in a non-sexual harassment sort of way.

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Put your money in cheese puffs

Bacon is so 2005! Cheese puffs are what the cool kids are wearing this year. If orange crumbs on the front of your t shirt counts as “wearing”.

Dynomighty Men's Mighty Puffs Mighty Wallet

This wallet is only slightly less tasty than the original cheese puff. It’s made out of thin, tear-proof plastic for long lasting quality. Best of all… no crumbs.

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Spot’s drinking out of the toilet again

Everyone knows a dog’s best friend is a toilet with the seat up. Their second best friend is your face after drinking out of said toilet.

Toilet shaped water Bowl for dogs and cats

This toilet shaped water bowl keeps your dog or cat hydrated while keeping the pee to face ratio at the minimum.

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