Terrible Christmas Gifts

When it comes to gift giving, I always believe you should give something people don’t know they want or need. In fact, the more they don’t want or need a gift, the better. Trust me, I’ve become an expert on giving stuff that people don’t want or need. So with this in mind, here are some really good gifts for Christmas. or Kwanzaa. or Valentines Day. or whatever.

Chocolate covered insects

Imagine the look of confusion. It’s chocolate, so it’s tasty. It’s got 6 legs, so it’s icky. It’s icky tasty.

Chocolate Covered Insects

Bodily Fluids

Put the Xmas in Exploring bodily fluids. Perhaps you are still recovering from the ReSearch book on Modern Primitives that you received for your 3rd birthday.

The Re/Search Guide to Bodily Fluids

Extra nasty Marmite

It’s hard to imagine something worse than eating Marmite, but they’ve upped it with extra old bottles of the gross goo. Get extra points for forcing your gift recipient to eat this blind folded.
Limited Edition Marmite XO Extra Old Matured longer for a stronger taste 250g jar in Gift box

Moons over my hammy

Mooning gnome. What more could you ask for?
Big Mouth Toys The Mooning Garden Gnome Salt and Pepper Shaker Set

Canned Snake

Just remind them that “Smoked Rattlesnake Is A True Western Delicacy. Cooked In A Tantalizing Smoke Sauce, You Will Amaze Your Friends And Family With This Exotic Treat!”
Yeah, they’ll believe that!

SMOKED RATTLESNAKE- Exotic Gourmet Canned Wild Game Meat

Marshmallow Penis Treats

You know that prudish aunt who is so uptight she poops diamonds? Put this under the tree for a good suprise
Marshmallow Willies

Grandma’s Farts candle

You’ll always know who farted with this candle. Give this one to Grandpa and he’ll thank you profusely for the eternal excuse.

Yank Me Candle Grandma's Fart Candle (Scented)

The Flavor Thesaurus by Niki Segnit

The Flavor Thesaurus: A Compendium of Pairings, Recipes and Ideas for the Creative CookThis is not a cookbook for everyone. If you follow a recipe like a religion and expect consistency, you may want to try a different book. But if you are the type of person that oozes with inspiration upon entering an art supply store, this is the culinary resource you’ve been looking for.

Got this book on a whim — mostly because I liked the title! Wow, am I glad I did! For anyone who has cooked strictly from recipes and would like to be more creative OR for anyone who wants more sophisticated results when searching for a recipe to match ingredients in the fridge OR for someone who just likes food writing. This is an unbelievably entertaining and useful book! Nearly 350 pages of good ideas and pithy comments — I don’t know how Ms. Segnit did it, but it’s terrific all the way through!
Pamela Weaver

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The king of all ice cubes

Don’t just stand there pressing the ice dispensers handle. Are you really going to use some boring, anonymous ice in that drink? Open the freezer and pop out one of these monster cubes.
Tovolo King Cube Ice Tray - Stratus Blue

The Tovolo King ice cube tray creates Uncle Joe’s big ol’ ice cube to make your booze chill without getting watered down. These trays also come in a wide spectrum of colors, just in case you want a rainbow explosion when you are thirsty.

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This is how you do Thanksgiving leftovers

Don’t tell me your planning on buying a bunch of blah plastic containers for your Thanksgiving leftovers. That’s about as boring as stapling your guests to their chairs and forcing them to watch an Everyone Loves Raymond marathon.
Set of 24 Thanksgiving Leftover Containers Holiday Leftovers in Style

What you really need is this set of Thanksgiving leftovers containers. They’re far from boring, in fact, it would be like having Prince doing a 20 minute jam set on the table while covered in cranberry sauce.

Army Man Coffee Cup

This coffee cup is just in time for Veterans Day. Head down to the commissary and grab a cup of Joe with this Army green soldier cup.
Big Mouth Toys Green Army Man Mug

If coffee’s not strong enough, you can always make an extra stop at the Package store.

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Southern Cakes: DIY or UPS

Sky high, multilayered cakes are a traditional dessert in the South. This book on Southern Cakes gives you great recipes and includes the stories and traditions behind cakes, such as the Tennessee stack cake.

Southern Cakes: Sweet and Irresistible Recipes for Everyday Celebrations


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